Reddit (especially r/okcupid) is a great resource if you’re looking for a sounding board, feedback, or advice around dating on OkCupid.

1. On OkCupid, you’re more than just a photo. You have stories to tell, and passions to share, and things to talk about that are more interesting than the weather. Get noticed for who you are, not what you look like. Because you deserve what dating deserves: better. By clicking Join, you agree to our Terms.
2. Not Taking The Time To Fill Out Your Profile. As I said, OKCupid is giving you a profile for a reason.
3. Okcupid Inspirational designs, illustrations, and graphic elements from the world’s best designers.
4. OKCupid is the most affordable of the top online dating sites. All of the top online dating services.

Since the subreddit has existed, however, tons of ground has been covered. And the same questions come up over and over again.

Okcupid basic / Premium is a scam So I see I have 17 likes and figure why not spend 25 bucks an just swipe right on everyone to see who my matches are.

The OkCupid Reddit wiki tries to capture the best of these questions and answers but can be a bit unweildly itself.

Here’s what believe to be the top 3 best-of-the-best advice from Reddit OkCupid.

#1) Reddit’s OkCupid Self-Summary Advice

DO

1. Do try writing this section last. Use the freestyle nature of this section to fill in anything you feel you didn’t get the chance to say in the rest of your profile.

2. Do focus on who you /are/. The things you /like/ and the things you /do/ belong in other sections. What is it these things are supposed to tell us about your character?

3. Edit weekly.

DON’T

1. Don’t say you suck at self-summaries. Lots of people dislike trying to summarize their complicated personality into a couple of paragraphs in a way they’re comfortable with. You probably don’t want to be lumped in with lots of people.

2. Don’t portray negativity or entitlement! This is supposed to be the hook to your profile and coming off as either of those will turn away tons of viewers. Nobody wants to be around a stuck up little brat.

3. Don’t write out your whole goddamned life story.

#2) Reddit’s OkCupid First Message Advice

DO

• Keep it light.
• Be interesting in the first 100 characters. This is important because the introduction is visible before the message is even opened.
• Keep it short. 2-4 sentences is an acceptable length. Be aware that you’re not the only message in their inbox, and lengthy messages can get skimmed or skipped.
• Show interest in getting to know them vs. smalltalk
• Demonstrate that you’ve read their profile
• Attempt to ask a question they haven’t heard before. If not, dive a bit deeper into a topic they probably get quite often.
• Use correct spelling, grammar and punctuation.
• Imagine yourself talking to this person in real life. Don’t write anything you wouldn’t say to their face. Don’t write anything that sounds too obvious or stupid.
• Only initiate conversations you WANT to have. Don’t ask someone about his/her interest in a topic just because (s)he’s cute. If nothing interests you personally, let it go.

DON’T

• Write just “hi, hello, hey there, etc.” and expect to get a response. /u/Lachryman says, “I say ‘Hey’ to my coworkers every morning. I’m not trying to date any of them.“
• Copy/paste. For the love of all that is wonderful in this world, please put forth some effort if you’re trying to find someone to be with.
• Say “why don’t you have a BF/GF? You’re too attractive to be single.”
• Send any kind of first message that you wouldn’t feel comfortable saying to someone in public.
• Spend a bunch of time to introduce yourself, tell your life story, or explain why you don’t think the person will message you back.
• Mention how attractive you think he/she is in an opening message.
• Open all possible topics of conversation or ask lots of questions in one question. Let the conversation flow and ask new questions in a lull.
• Invest too heavily in a profile or message. It will hurt more if they never respond.
• Be afraid to ask me out during our first or second message.
• Speak in slang, memes, ol’ timey, or anything that isn’t who you are.
• Give a fuck.
• Mention sex for a while.
• Neg, belittle, or clearly offend. (For those that don’t know, negging is the practice of offering a backhanded compliment through a method of a borderline insult, or “Low-grade insults meant to undermine the self-confidence of another individual so they might be more vulnerable to your advances and seek your approval.”)

#3) Reddit’s OkCupid Profile Photo Advice

DO

From our very own /u/mattheikkila’s OKCuTips: “Your first photo should either show how attractive you can be, or be interesting enough to compel those you’re interested in to click on it when it’s a little 60×60 pixel thumbnail. Picking an odd, silly, weird, or goofy picture is probably not the best choice. I personally will click on a profile only if there is a reasonable chance that they’re attractive, and I do this for 3 reasons: 1 is to save time, 2 is because it’s a dating site and I’m only going to consider someone I find attractive, and 3 is because I don’t want to unnecessarily give the message that I may be interested (by showing up in their visitor list) if I’m definitely not. Usually a face shot with good lighting, no bathroom shots, or self shots if you can help it. Also, you can help it. Do you have one friend? Do you or they have a camera or a camera phone?

Your second and third photos should be flattering, and one of the three should be a full body shot, because there’s no point in dealing with the embarrassment of finding out one of you even accidentally misrepresented what you look like in person.”

Okcupid Intro Message

1. Your first picture is the most important piece of the profile puzzle. It’s the first thing people see when searching profiles, and can be the make-or-break decision in less than five seconds of someone knowing of your existence. So, DO pick your absolute best picture! It must have great lighting, great composure, high resolution, and most importantly your best features being the most prominent eye-catcher in the picture. Also, when cropping, make sure to capture that essence because your thumbnail is your representative on the site.

2. DO have a few pictures alone, and a few with other people. Having lots of one and very few of the other will give bad impressions of either being too anti-social and difficult to mesh with your match’s friends, or too clung to your friends and activities to have time for a partner.

3. Do show variety. Different places, different times, different moods, different atmospheres, different poses and different facial expressions will do more to show how multi-faceted of a person you are than any amount of words you type out describing it.

Psst… Want girls or guys to 😍😍😍 at your OkCupid profile?

Test your OkCupid pics on Photofeeler.

Photofeeler tells you how you’re coming across in pics — if you look attractive, smart, trustworthy, fun, confident, and more.

You could ask r/OkCupid for feedback, but statistically, the handful of opinions you’ll get is very scant. Further, someone on Reddit OkCupid might say you look “bad” in one picture or “better” in another. But how often do you find out why a photo is good or bad?

What if none of your pictures are doing you justice? Most people (men especially) use pics that don’t do them justice at all. What they need is some hard data and real guidance for how to do better.

Good Okcupid Intro

Answer? Test all your pics on Photofeeler. Choosing profile pics this way has been known to increase matches on Tinder by 200-400%.

Go to Photofeeler.com now and give it a try!

Relax. We did the hard work for you.

The giddy sensation you feel when you match with someone cute on any dating app can quickly die down if they hit you with a straightforward, personality-less 'hey' as an opening line. Sure, 'hey' does the job of opening up the conversation, but it's not particularly interesting and doesn't really make someone want to reply. Finding fun, clever, witty, or even silly opening lines for OkCupid, Hinge, Bumble, or your preferred dating app of choice can seem a little tricky if you're lacking inspiration. (Um, yes, hi, me.) But don’t stress. In 2009, the OkCupid team conducted an experiment where they analyzed 500,000 first messages on their site, and found several factors that play a part in whether or not you get a reply from an OkCupid intro — and whether or not that could lead to a first date.

The experiment looked at keywords and phrases, how they impacted replies, and what conversation starters really made a difference. Based on what the experiment found, OkCupid co-founder Christian Rudder created a few suggestions (and blogged about them on the dating app) to consider applying to your own OkCupid intro. First, he suggested users spell out full words, and not use abbreviations. Second, he suggested trying to avoid physical compliments. Instead of 'hey' or 'hi,' saying something like 'How's it going?' — a question that requires an answer — has a higher chance of response. Rudder also suggested bringing up specific interests based on something you saw on your match's OkCupid profile.

Even earlier research from 2015 — published in an OkCupid data report from 2016 — supports starting a conversation with something other than “Hey.” Data scientists from OkCupid found sending 'Hey' had an 84% chance of being ignored. After scanning more than 1 million conversations, the report also found data scientists that, across all sexual identities, 40-90 characters was the ideal length for a successful first message. That said, not adhering strictly to the 40-90 characters “rule” didn't offer much of a difference between 'good' and “bad” conversation starters. Most tellingly, the report found short and sincere messages (i.e. something from their profile you liked or found interesting) were more likely to result in a good conversation.

Short and sweet messages do the trick, as does sending a question to be answered, but beyond that, what makes an OkCupid intro message worthy of a response? Do you send a punny first message? A thoughtful one? Is it better to be cheeky? Sexy? Is a lame first message actually kind of endearing to a stranger? Damona Hoffman, OkCupid Dating Coach and host of The Dates & Mates Podcast, says that even though she’s not a huge fan on pick-up lines IRL, “on a dating app they actually can be effective and might even make the recipient laugh, which can lead to a reply.” When in doubt, go for a laugh. And if you’re worried how that might land, Hoffman recommends you can “acknowledge the cheesiness of pick-up lines or the fact that you're sending it with a wink and a nod.”

Hoffman adds that according to internal OkCupid data, “30% of users said that asking a question is the best ice-breaker followed by a simple introduction, which is preferred by 27%.” So a cheesy opening line and a question are both icebreakers OkCupid users are clearly into. But if you’re still stumped on what to say, try these suggestions below.

• Titanic. That’s my icebreaker. What’s up?
• If you have a three-day weekend, where are you headed? The beach? The mountains? Bed?
• Let's skip the small talk, want to meet up for a drink?
• You’ve just won a free trip to anywhere in the world! The catch is you have to leave tomorrow. Where are you headed?
• Hi, I’d like to add you to my professional network on LinkedIn.
• I still use my ex's Hulu log-in, and yes, I will gladly share it with you.
• This ismy life story in four emojis: [insert emojis.] What's yours?
• Two truths and a lie, go.
• Name a theme song that adequately describes your life.
• If you could do anything around the city right now, what would it be? (Let them answer, then say, 'Let's do it.')
• Hey. So, it’s not safe for us to talk here. Siri and Alexa are listening. We should meet up so they don’t record our conversation. What do you think?
• Serious question for you. Best discovery — avocados or Netflix?
• Before we get to know each other, I just need to put it out there that I will need you to kill all the spiders for me.
• Before we get to know each other, I just need to put it out there that I will kill all the spiders for you.
• Are you ready for some smooth math moves? OK, here we go. Are you an angle? Because you're so acute.
• Should we talk for a while or do you want to just cut to the part where I take you out on the best date of your life?
• It's karaoke night at your local bar, what song are you screaming the lyrics to when it's your turn to sing?
• Do you believe in love at first swipe, or should I un-match you and make you swipe again?
• If you were a vegetable, you’d be a cutecumber.
• I’d like to take you to the movies, but they don’t let you bring in your own snacks.
• I think there’s something wrong with my phone. Could you try calling it to see if it works?
• If you were a fruit, you’d be a fineapple.
• Want to play “Never Have I Ever?” You go first...
• What’s your sign?
• What are you doing this weekend?
• What’s one quality you think your best friend and romantic partner should both have?
• Tell me about the best first date you’ve ever been on.
• What’s your go-to hangover meal?
• Let’s play a game of This Or That. I’ll start: Dinner, or drinks?
• What’s the most important quality you look for in a partner?

Okcupid A List Trial

Additional reporting by Kylie McConville

Experts:

Damona Hoffman, OkCupid Dating Coach and Host of The Dates & Mates Podcast